Spirit Speak

The sun did not rise over the Pedernal and shine through the window today at 7AM because it was snowing. I slept till 9AM.

Jack is a 170 lb Tibetan Mastiff. In Tibet these majestic dogs are flock guardians and patrol vast territory, thousands of acres. It is built into their genetics. Because the keeper of the flocks are usually women and children, these Mastiffs have a DNA distrust of stranger men. Jack and I go for a walk every morning and evening and before he can get busy he has to sniff around 5 acres…That warms him up, gets his elimination system primed and ready. Then something distracts him and we have to start all… over… again. It takes hours of exploration just to get Jack to pee.

The great thing about virgin snow is that it is a clean slate. Every story is written plainly. Today in the fresh snow while I was encouraging Jack to “get busy”,  he was distracted by some enticing odor and we found enormous animal tracks. While I was wondering if it might be a bear and if it was wise to continue, Jack was pulling me forward as he surged through the snow. What I saw were the big tracks and then next to them, cat tracks tracking the big tracks. Maybe a Bob Cat or Lynx. I wasn’t paying attention to Jack. If I had been I would have seen him scoop up his prize as he started to chew it… The delicacy, elkish poopish; otherwise known as elk dung. Yep, the cat was tracking an elk, Jack was tracking the cat who was tracking the elk. I was being hauled along…

Life is like that. Sometimes we just allow ourselves to be hauled along…

Jack started down a very steep part of the mountain… I put on the skids… I wasn’t in control exactly, but I wasn’t been hauled down the cliff face either. Jack turned and looked at me accusingly and then “got busy” at an impossible slant down the hill. Jack doesn’t lift his leg like smaller male dogs. I guess trying to balance on three legs at 170 lbs makes no sense to him. Jack is all about his own “highest good” He doesn’t obey. He cooperates…if he feels it is for his highest and best good. So Jack squatted and I dug the elk poop out of his mouth…

Sometimes our prizes are taken away from us and sometimes others have clearer vision on what might be for our highest and best then we do.  And mostly we are never, ever, in complete control.  Even if we feel like we are. Although the universe allows us our illusions. Even the most evolved, educated, put-together-well, articulate, savvy, cool, individual, has one small flaw and one tremendous grace: humanity. We are all made up of the same genetic code. We don’t eat Elk Poop, and we don’t try to balance on three legs to eliminate…unless we are under the influence of something…

Sometimes the tracks are clear and sometimes they have been camouflaged and crisscrossed. Sometimes our path is smooth and easy, sometimes it is a rough tumble down a hillside, and sometime we toss rocks in front of us, just to proove we can go over them… I don’t know why! But we all do it. Even if we do it in secret.

So if we can get rid of the secrets, if we can get over the shame, the embarrassment, the blame, the judgment, the prejudice, the need to be right, the fear of failure; if we can get over all that, then we can begin the journey upwards. We can evolve into a world of balance.

I think it is time to stop sniffing around for the perfect place, and begin to create that place. I think it is time to “get busy”…

I look into the glass, I see my life line traced, a young girl locked inside, a much older persons face…

When I was 30 years old I asked my Mom what it felt like to get older older. She told me that sometimes she looked into the mirror and wondered who that “old bag” was looking back at her. I had smooth, almost flawless skin then…That was 25 years ago. My Mom is now 86, I am now 54. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder who that old bag is looking back at me.

It isn’t easy, is it? One minute we are stumbling on brand new legs trying to figure out how to keep our balance and the next minute we are stumbling on elderly legs, still just trying to keep our balance.

Balance…That is what is all about. Give and re-give. Energy for energy.

The world is not in balance. Pachamama, Gaia, is trying to correct that. Either we change, or we will be tossed off. We are not the most important life form on this planet. No matter what we think. We are just a part of the whole.

But what if time bends? What if we move backwards and forwards at the same time.  What if time is exceedingly patient and is simply waiting for us to come back into balance?

Isn’t that where God lives? Is that what God is? Balance…

What if time does wait?

There are things that we are not told when we are children, like…sometimes people aren’t going to like you. or that giving birth is messy and painful, or that when you get older not only are your breasts going to sag, but your knees will sag as well. We don’t come with a “how to live” manual, so I think maybe my mission, if I choose to accept it, is to write that manual. The one that allows us grace and forgiveness for being so utterly human. The one that reminds us to rejoice as time is etched on, what used to be, perfect skin. The one that reaches past or underneath the wu wu, the feel good, the don’t worry, and allows us to be confused, to not have the answers, to make the mistakes, to feel the fear, to say the wrong things, to wear the wrong clothes, to not be perfect, and to still be worthy of love and joy. That is what I am going to write about. Not becoming more god-like, but becoming fully human…

If I could give you the moon, I’d wrap it in ribbons, and sing you a tune, I’d lay it at your feet and wait for your smile…Your smile so sweet…

The moon in New Mexico on a cold winters night, with 50 million stars so close you can reach out and touch them. The silence is absolute. The stillness broken only by the furtive walk of a Bobcat slinking over the snow. The house echos…The floors are tile, the walls; adobe. The floor is warm. The water is a precious commodity; not to be wasted.The nearest neighbor is a mile away. The driveway is two miles long. The Pedernal is right outside the window. The landscape is stark and stunning. Peace lives here..and for now, so do I. 1/26/10