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  • Boundaries…

    2010 - 02.04

    The snow gods heard me and dropped down another 5 inches of snow last night.

    There is something sacred about being the first and only person to walk through a new snow fall. It is a meditation in itself. The snow is like a fine white powder and is clean, clean; quite a contrast to the red soil underneath. It is one of the things I love about this place; the red rocks and red soil. It is so silent here that you can hear the ants moving under the tremendous ant hills. The mounds are enormous and are the only thing showing through the snow besides the Juniper Cedars and Pinyon Pines because the ant colonies produce so much heat.

    There was one big cat track by the front door, a Bobcat or Lynx. Just one. She must have come while it was still snowing and the rest of her tracks must have gotten covered; or maybe not. Maybe she is a shape changer…

    The scrub jays made an appearance today as did someone’s three horses. One had a broken rope around his neck. They paid me know mind when I went out to talk to them. It is a constant parade of life.

    I have been thinking about boundaries.  There are no boundaries for the wild life or domestic livestock here. They just wander around wherever they please. Boundaries can mean so many things. Sometimes they are something we do not cross. Sometimes they are something that should be eliminated, like the border boundary between the US and Mexico, and the US and Canada. Sometimes they are something we set up for ourselves to avoid controversy or discomfort. Sometimes they stop us from taking a risk. Sometimes they stop us from taking a stand. Sometimes they give us an excuse to allow cruelty. Sometimes they remind us to be observant, co-operative, and compassionate. Sometimes they stop us from invading another’s space; sometimes they create a chasm to wide to cross.

    When I was twenty I worked in a bank in Vancouver, Washington. I was a teller. One day the bank manger came back from lunch. He had been drinking. He walked up behind me and grabbed my breasts. I didn’t know what to do. I was young and embarrassed. He was in a position of power and I had not yet grown into the bitch I would become. I mean, the self assured, confident, woman I am now… That day I learned something about boundaries. I determined I would never take from someone, something they didn’t freely offer.

    We live in a confusing world. We are supposed to move beyond the confusion and evolve, yet even Jesus, who was the Christ, who was fully human, asked in confusion, “why have you forsaken me”… It is ok not to have the answers; to doubt, to feel at a loss, because on the other side of all that is hope, and generosity of spirit.

    Maybe one of our most important lessons is learning when to cross a boundary and when to honor one.

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